dating is “fun”

Screen Shot 2018-05-31 at 1.34.54 PMI’m a 45 year old single woman. And dating is not fun. Questions like “will he show up?” “will he like me?” & “will he ask me about anal sex?” plague my mind. It’s like having a scheduled  anxiety attack but at least cocktails are usually involved. Most dates I am just waiting until it’s over so I can go home and curl up with netflix and the vaporizer. I’m fine being alone… for now. But living the rest of my life alone, untouched and unloved is unbearable. And a likely outcome. We say “I don’t want to die alone” but we really mean ” i don’t want to live alone”.   Many dates make dying alone seem like a wonderful way to spend an evening.  But I want to have that date that makes this fear of forever living alone a thing of the past.

I’m living in Portland Oregon. I moved here thinking it would be easier to afford living here, dating would be greatly improved from the peter pan land I left. But it’s all polyamory, dead squirrel-esque beards and man-boys who “just want something fun”, which is code for  sex without any obligation to treat you like a human being. But the artisanal cocktails are exquisite. If only I could afford them.


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