Squirrel face & his magic cock

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I live in Portland Oregon. And I hate beards. They’re gross. They look like a squirrel has died on your face. Or like a giant pubic bush. Ew.

But I’ve had to be open-minded. Cutting out all the bearded guys, in addition to the polyamorous, guys holding guns &/or dead deer, those who are “living each moment to it’s fullest” and the free hooker seekers there isn’t much left. So I’ve dated some guys with bad beards. I even hooked up with one. Our first date was nice enough. He seemed nice enough. Funny. He laughed when I said most beards remind me of a dead squirrel. I decided I’d see him again. The second date  we wound up at my house. Started making out. I was not very into it. Kissing a beard is gross. But I was bored and horny, a bad combination. It proceeded. I was certainly willingly participating but still not  into it. He went down on me. It was ok. Which is a nice way of saying not good. But I’m game.  He finally puts on a condom and we start fucking. And holy fuck. He has a magic cock. I just started having orgasm after orgasm. Like bitch slap orgasms that just explode out of nowhere with no warning. Like 87 times. I started laughing because it was just insane. I tried to ask if he was this magic with everyone and he gave some bullshit line “no, it’s only you babe.” But I actually wanted to know. Because Science!  Make no mistake, he was not a very skilled lover. His magic cock just curved in the perfect geometry to make me come 87 times.

Needless to say I totally wanted more of that magic cock. Needless to say he was a squirrel faced douchebag who acted like he wanted to see me but then actually didn’t. I was bummed because magic cock. And the worst part is if that douchebag texted me I’d for sure cave in and say come over. I wonder if I’ll ever find another geometrically perfect penis like that again. A lady can dream…

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