Fish pic

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When I moved to Portland Oregon I entered a whole new world in terms of dating. In San Francisco I never saw a man’s profile photo featuring him holding up a fish. Or a dead deer, face held up right next to their own grinning face. And the ones where he’s holding an axe!  That one was perplexing until I figured out what “Timber’s Army” meant. Sports. Ew.

The fish pic just makes me laugh. It’s now become a “my dick is this big” inside joke with myelf. When the fish is really tiny I just crack up.

Also popular is the bathroom mirror selfie. Bizarrely many of these are taken in public restrooms. Why? I can’t even fathom taking said photo, let alone using it on my dating profile. I suspect alcohol is to blame… he’s drunk, decides to restart his tinder account, snaps a pic in the bathroom mirror, yeah, he’s looking gooood tonight, & boom. Swipefest.

Then there are the guys in a hat, sunglasses and giant beard obscuring half their face. YES! I’ve always wanted to date the unibomber. Hot.

The extreme close up (dubbed the Blair Witch Project by my hilarious friend).

The lying in bed apparently naked one is also gross. Did you want to show me your post jerk off glow?

The headless torso, whether ribbed to “perfection” or sad dad bod that is not any woman’s fantasy are both disturbingly popular. Both are equally unappealing.  Ditto that shot of your bulge. 1 in a million of those are actually impressive. But you look like a big dick with a big dick.  Hard pass.

And a very special shout out to the 40something year old man* who decided that using that heinous animal ear & face filter was a great idea, seek immediate professional help. For real. That shit is not ok.

 

I was sorely tempted to use said photo here,  despite his poor mental health, as well as common decency  preventing me from doing so. But I did screenshot that shit. 

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