“beach body” vs “dad bod”

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Men have been encouraged to embrace the “dad bod” yet women are still expected to be “beach ready” every summer. “20 minutes a day to the your perfect beach body!” is in every women’s magazine. And as a Pilates teacher, former Dancer and gymnast I can tell you that those women do NOT get those bodies from 20 minutes a day. Not even close.

My eye is so fucking trained by the Photoshop phenomenon that it goes straight to the minute amout of dimpling on the woman in the photos hip. I see men’s guts all the time but every woman in a swimsuit in a magazine is smoothed out to unreal perfection. FYI models in their teens are photoshopped, many of them have “dimpling” and cellulite and gasp stretch marks!

I have seen/heard fat slovenly men deride women’s bodies, women who actually looked pretty damn great. Hell, my father was one of those men! When I was accepted to a prestigious Dance Program he said I “better slim down” if I wanted to be a dancer. Thanks Dad.

Dad bod is a reality. But I am not going to pretend it’s cute. It’s not sexy. I guess some women find men who look pregnant sexy but that isn’t my thing.

And why isn’t acceptance of “mom bod” a thing? Stop calling pregnant women fat! And “getting your pre-baby body back” shouldn’t be your primary concern. When you have an infant. Maybe focus on parenting. Let your body heal. Get some sleep once in a while. Sure, get fit and healthy again but it’s not a moral failing to look like you just had a baby, when you just had a baby.

Grown women do not normally look like Gwyneth Paltrow in a bikini. And that woman is cuhrazy. I’m pretty sure she has several trainers and lives on green juice and nutritional vaginal suppositories.

It’s normal for women to have stretch marks. Cellulite. Stomachs that do not look like washboards, whatever the fuck those are. Most women don’t have arms that look like television lawyers arms. Neither do most lawyers.

Even if a woman eats well and exercises a lot, these “issues” might not go away. The idealized woman is very likely over exercising, under eating, supplementing with appetite suppressant “herbal formulas” and possibly Oxycontin and atavan to handle the hangry that is their chronic state. That’s no way to live. Unless you’re making a million dollars a movie and looking like that is part your job.

I adore Jennifer Lawrence. She is a healthy woman. She had a great body. Yet they wanted her to lose weight. She just refused. She does get into bananas shape for films when required. In “Red Sparrow” she got thin & ripped enough to resemble a ballerina. But I read an interview about it, she says she can’t carry on with the dietary restrictions. She points out that she “continues to grow” during the film. Eastern European street food isn’t low cal. And it’s true, she doesn’t maintain the “ideal” body through filming. And who cares? She’s amazing.

I don’t think men need to all look like an action hero. Men that are too obsessed with their bodies are pretty unappealing to me. I’m open to dating men with less than perfect bodies, but that needs to be reciprocal. It’s the extreme double standard I’m fed up with. I’m pretty fit. “For my age” (that will be a post of its own, the age double standard & the “anti-aging” train). I’m relatively attractive. Ditto “for my age”. So when I get a lot of men who are very unfit and close to 20 years older than I am who are interested I just wonder “Really dude?”.  Not like “as if, so out of your league” but just perplexed. And the droves of guys my very own age who view me as too old for them actually infuriate me.

Body positivity is a good thing. It needs to go both ways. But I do think that glorifying being very overweight isn’t healthy. Making the pregnant looking, sedentary, beer drinking slob dad bod a cute thing is bullshit. And when 25-year-old guys are calling dad bod I’m calling bullshit. And seriously, mom bod is unavoidable if you must breed… dad bod is apathy + laziness + beer.  Let’s stop pretending that shit is cute.

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