I am not a sex addict.
Someone thinks I am, 3 guesses who.
But I am not a sex addict. I just love sex.
I live in my body. Not my head. I am and have always been a very physical person. I have a degree in Modern Dance, for fucks sake! I experience life through my body and sensation first and foremost.
If I don’t move my body enough, if I don’t exercise enough, I feel awful. Likewise if I don’t have a sex life, with a partner. Those near 3 years of celibacy were not healing, they were very very hard. I need touch. I need affection. I don’t need sex but I function so much better if I have it in my life.
Most people live in their head. They think through life more than they feel through it. Society supports this. It’s not easy to be a physical, kinesthetic person in this world. As a child my predominant wish/fantasy was that I had been born into a Former Soviet bloc country where I would have been put in a Gymnastics Training facility and done Gymnastics from age 5-18+. Sitting in a desk at school was painful and rarely engaging. After Gymnastics was over I was a Dancer. Once I quit dancing it was a huge Identity shift. But I’m still a physical person. I need to move. I need to stretch. I need to get exercise. And I am so happy I have a sex life, a very good one. Sex is my favorite cardio, after all.
And that doesn’t mean I am a sex addict.
I don’t think vilifying pleasure is healthy. If it’s ruling your life, fucking up your job, family, health, etc then yes, huge problem. But it’s normal to want sex. It’s healthy. Wanting sex doesn’t make you an addict. Really wanting sex with a particular person isn’t an addiction, though it can feel like one. It’s obviously a problem if it’s ruining your job, family, health, etc. But if it’s just an occasional release from mundane life? I think that that is exactly what sex is for. That and breeding, but ew.
Sharing pleasure, creating a small space to be in your body with someone who you feel attraction and affection for, being purely physical for a few hours, this is a healing act.
Maybe some people need to be celibate and deal with whatever issues they need to deal with, but I found that while being alone for those years was good for me in many ways, my relationship issues can only really be dealt with in relationship. But that’s just me.
Sex doesn’t make a relationship. But it’s a big part of one. I want someone who I can share my life with, but until it’s clear who that person is I’m so grateful to be enjoying the company of Ed Norton and Andy from Weeds. And I’d love be enjoying the company of someone else, too.
3 guesses who.