Post 100! (how did I get here?!)

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This is my one hundredth post! Wow! I didn’t expect to get here. I certainly did not expect to be in love, in a relationship and so happy I smile for no reason, a bit less than 4 months after my first post. I met elskan min 2 months after the birth of spinsterhag, to the day. It was a weird start, with me dating 2 other dudes, although Benedict wasn’t really “dating”. Ed Norton was barely “dating”. My amazing boyfriend said “I don’t like that you’re dating other guys, but You’re Worth It so I’ll deal with it.”  That was epic. And terrifying. I had gotten so used to being jerked around by wild chemistry followed by vows of celibacy, or just the garden variety hot/cold/does-he-like-me?doesn’t-he-like-me? bullshit. Someone just upfront, into me and not afraid of a weird situation but willing to wait it out. Because I Am Worth It. It is amazing. And I am worth it.

It takes work for me to feel worthy. My dad destroyed my sense of self-worth, right at the time of life when I blossomed into womanhood. At 12. I hated my new body, and then I just hated myself. It took almost 20 years to really start to have a deep confidence, which comes and goes, but I am no longer so afraid of feeling good about myself.

I’ve struggled with depression since early childhood. I was really drowning in it when I started writing, but angry enough that I had some fire under the overwhelming sadness, some traction to create. I’ve been doing really well with my depression, blogging, bone broth and boning my boyfriend all seem to be the perfect prescription for me.

I am so grateful for finding elskan min. He is amazing. He is so sexy. So cute. So funny. He’s the best. The Best! Blah, blah,blah.

And despite the lovefest, Spinsterhag carries on. I can’t wait to see where it all is in a year’s time. Hopefully the book will be underway! And t-shirts. T-shirts are coming.

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