Deleted

I wrote a whole post a few days ago that I deleted.  I’ve never done that before.  I just didn’t think it was of any value. I don’t feel like I’m of much value right now.

I have been deleted from my exes life.  X-ed out. I feel like everything I gave, all that love, was just worthless. Trash. Thrown away.

I don’t know how to muster any hope right now. I’m trying to expand my life but it just keeps getting smaller.

I went and took a class today, something I’ve been wanting to do and feeling too scared to do.  And I did it. And I hated it. I’m trying to find something else to try but nothing appeals. Nothing fits my schedule and interest.  But I need to find something. I need more work but I also need more life.

Hermitdom is my natural state but I used to have more balance. I don’t know how to reach out again. I don’t know how to meet people, make friends. I’m so lonely that I feel like I should hide, which is a viscous cycle.

I’m so desperate that I’m contemplating going to a yoga class.

Yikes!

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