adrift

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not my image, googled “uninspired” & voila!

 

Forgive me, it’s been 48 days since my last post.

I was so happy in Iceland. I was so happy to come home to elskan min. I was just happy.

Then some things combined to conspire against my sunny disposition. Winter, for one. Without the pool, hot tub, sauna, steam room or nature hot springs to warm me up I’ve been feeling cold, tired of the grey skies, rain and dark. It’s freezing in my uninsulated house. I bundle up but I’m cold. In multiple sweaters.

I am also recovering from an injury. It is getting better, slowly, but anything can flare it up and then I’m really hurting. All the things I’d love to be doing hurt it. Sewing. Typing blog posts. Reorganizing, decluttering, cleaning, all things I actually really need to do and do enjoy, weird but true. So I’ve been resting. And it’s made me restless.

Work isn’t going great. That isn’t helping either. Perimenopause is also not helping, I’m often weepy, crying at sappy songs on the radio, or some random sight out the bus window. I’m sinking into something depression-adjacent. I feel adrift, from my self.

I had some great ideas for posts when I was just returning from Iceland. But I was busy reuniting with elskan min, too busy to be writing. Now I can’t remember ever having a brilliant idea for anything, let alone this blog.

So I’m writing about not knowing what to write about. Metta, I know. Maybe I’ll build some momentum. I need to be creative. Not being creative or able to clean is making me feel very unhappy. I literally spent most of yesterday feeling like I’m a total failure and have wasted my entire life. Today was a little better. Maybe tomorrow I’ll feel like my self has finally come ashore on the raft it’s been drifting on, grounded instead of floating aimlessly. Maybe tuesday I’ll have an idea of some decent proportion.

 

Ok, now I’ve got to go do my ice/heat therapy, my body isn’t willing to type anymore. Spinsterhag isn’t a spring chicken anymore. But she’s not dead either!

Long live Spinsterhag!

Not too shabby

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I began blogging on May 31, & now 7 months later I’m still going, even if I’ve slowed down a bit.

I’m so grateful for discovering this outlet and even more for the people who are reading & following!  I can’t believe how many visitors & views have racked up.

I’m planning to get to work on creating a book next year, & will also make a spinsterhag t-shirt once I’ve got an image.  Perhaps I’ll be the new “eat, pray, love” bitch on the block!  Or maybe it’ll just be for my own enjoyment.  Either way this has been a wonderful adventure that I’m very excited to see where it takes me.

Happy new year, dear Haglets!

Bring on the year of the Hag!

Aurora

BD9FF1D2-A254-497B-BCB0-E131856F003BI got a truly magical display of the northern lights last night. My friend & I had gone out for drinks. After the bar closed we were outside, looking up hoping to see some northern lights.  And then a small strip of green appeared! So we kept watching and lo & behold that small strip opened up into a dancing array of green, purple & pink, rapidly flowing and changing.  It was pure gorgeousness! My friend had never seen them move so much in all the times she’s seen them!  It was just amazing.

The long dark days here do have a beautiful benefit. The aurora happens all year but you can’t see it in the summer months when the light is almost 24 hours a day.  I feel so lucky to have seen this gorgeous phenomenon!

Iceland just keeps getting better & better all the time.

Hot flash

 

 

I decided to take a lovely hot bath it bath last night. It was lovely. Until a hot flash struck.  I jumped out of the tub and almost passed out.  I wrapped my towel around me and went outside onto the deck, into the freezing Icelandic night. Ahhhh.  Blissful cold air!  The solution to hot flashes-  move to Iceland!

I’ve not had a period for about 80 days now.  Who knows when & even if  I’ll have another. I used to be like clockwork!  It’s really weird to have no idea when or if it’s coming.

The hot flashes are the worst. I used to love bundling up in cold weather but now I have to be able to get some cold air on my skin immediately so my previous layering system is now defunct. I’m glad I’ve got some fabulous coats.  Now I understand those women who I used to wonder “isn’t she cold?” about.  No.  Not cold. She’s sweating in winter because her body has become a furnace.

Isn’t middle age fun?

Jól

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It’s Christmas Eve in Iceland. The children are decorating the tree with lights and candies. Food is being prepared. I’m so grateful to be here experiencing Icelandic Jòl with my friends, feeling part of the family.  It’s not so much about the gifts as it is the experience of sharing time with family & friends, sharing food and enjoying the cozy time.

The only way this trip could be better would be if elskan mín was here with me.  I miss him terribly. I want to share my love of Iceland with him, introduce him to my friends and have adventures here together. Hopefully soon.

I both never want to leave & to go home to my love as soon as possible. That’s how I know it’s really love, he makes me glad when it’s time to go back home because he is there.

I hope you all are having a wonderful time today, whatever your beliefs or traditions. Even if it’s just relief that holidays are almost over! I hope the New Year is a wonderful one for us all. In a world that looks grim the light of love, friends & family is all we have. I’m so grateful.

Bring on 2019, the year of the Hag!