Space. Elskan min needs space. Great.
We had a very stupid fight, and now I’ve been given “space”.
A vast void of space.
I’m not lacking in space. I’ve got way too much space, in fact. Space I’d love to build a life and a love with.
But I’ve fucked it all up. Again.
Apparently I’m aloof to his problems. And I “nitpick”, which I know I can do, I try very hard to not do so, and still I have destroyed this relationship despite my efforts.
I’m not aloof to his problems, though. And I felt like I did many kind and thoughtful things to try to help him feel better when he was stressed. Again, clearly a massive failure on my part.
And I just feel so stupid. Stupid for thinking I was capable. Lovable.
Maybe I need to accept that I’m clearly shit at relationships. At 46 and single yet again it would appear that is true.
I don’t think I can handle dating again.
I needed to write and now I just don’t know what to say. What do I have to say about anything? I feel mute. Numb.
I’d love to find that some space helps, and maybe it will. Time will tell. Great, I love waiting around. I’ve certainly got lots of practice.
But right now any hope I had feels dead. And embarrassing.
Spinsterhag fails again.