Peri-menopause did a number on my metabolism and depression and life events compounded it and I gained 20 pounds about 2 years ago. And at 45 nature is trying to turn me into a fat hag to signal my complete lack of usefulness or appeal to the world. This made losing the weight really tough. I was working my ass off, yet said ass was not going anywhere. Then I did start to lose some of the weight. Enough, but not as much as I wanted to, or to fit into my jeans again.
Enter the man-bullshit diet.
You can’t really break up if you never had a relationship, but the fucking and opting out yoyo game that Benedict Celibatch did was close enough. Aerobic sex helped. And then despair over loss of said aerobic sex helped more. I’ve lost all those 20 pounds. I actually lost 5 more that I didn’t want gone, my cheekbones were too sharp. There is such a thing as too thin.
The first time BC and I got naked I was not feeling so super sexy looking. I was a little embarrassed about my body. But he didn’t see anything wrong. As I lost weight and I’d say “Don’t I look better?” he’d always say “you always looked great. you looked great before and you look great now.” and I believed him.
Now I feel pretty confident in my body again. I could be more toned, I could work out a bit more. And I will. But I’m not super obsessed with trying to look perfect. I’m so glad I fit into my jeans again!
Man-bullshit always helps me lose weight. It’s awful if I don’t have any to lose, sharp cheekbones and a disappearing ass do not help me feel more confident as I try to recover from whatever perceived heartbreak has occurred.
I’m not really heartbroken over BC and his celibacy campaign. Just sad, confused and horny for him. I miss him. I like him. I would put up with more of his brand of bullshit if only he’d come around. That chemistry. Uh.
I have great chemistry. With great guys. 2 of them! And I’m into both of these guys. A lot. But I am pretty sure I could have a man harem 20 deep and I’d still pine for him. There’s something very special and specific about our connection and chemistry. I think it’s a crime against nature to not explore and enjoy it. Neither of us are married or exclusively coupled. I just don’t really get it. And I’d like to be getting it. Getting it so good.
I wish he’d come back. Even if it’s platonic. But I’d prefer non-platonic.
But you can’t always get what you want.