Not too shabby

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I began blogging on May 31, & now 7 months later I’m still going, even if I’ve slowed down a bit.

I’m so grateful for discovering this outlet and even more for the people who are reading & following!  I can’t believe how many visitors & views have racked up.

I’m planning to get to work on creating a book next year, & will also make a spinsterhag t-shirt once I’ve got an image.  Perhaps I’ll be the new “eat, pray, love” bitch on the block!  Or maybe it’ll just be for my own enjoyment.  Either way this has been a wonderful adventure that I’m very excited to see where it takes me.

Happy new year, dear Haglets!

Bring on the year of the Hag!

I am not a Cougar!

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Read title with full Arnold accent

 

So I’ve been showing a picture of my boyfriend to my friends. It’s so nice to have a boyfriend to brag about! And my friends were probably tired of seeing pics of all the cats I know. So it’s exciting!  But almost everyone has said “oh, he’s much younger than you!” And no, he’s not! He’ll be 45 at the end of the month, I’ll be 46 before Christmas. We’re essentially the same age.

I am NOT a cougar!

I’ve written about the cougar double standard before.  It’s bullshit. Women who are with younger men are dubbed predatory animals while men are just dubbed…men. With a congratulatory pat on the back. This is infuriating.

And now I’m feeling like people will think I’m his mother or maybe an elderly aunt? Fuck.

Its probably all the grey hair. It’s about to reach that critical mass tipping point where I am no longer a brunette going grey, I’m just…grey. I love my grey hair.  It’s gorgeous.  But I don’t want to look old! Yet another double standard. Ugh.

Men are “distinguished” with grey hair. Women are told to cover that shit up with toxic dye until they die. Fuck that.

“Andy” loves my grey hair. He thinks it’s sexy AF. So I’m not so worried. But if someone thinks I’m his mom I will go full cougar on their ass and bite their head off. Grrrrrrrr.

Ive got 4 full days left in Iceland. The fifth day I’ll be going home where elskan mín will be waiting for me at the airport. He doesn’t even have a car, he’s taking the bus to pick me up! That’s true love right there.

Ive always dreaded leaving my beloved country of Iceland. I literally have cried each time I’ve left, actual tears.  This time is different. I want to stay forever and I also can’t wait to get back home. It’s such a strange dichotomy of emotions. But I know it means that I’m in love with him and with my life back home.

Moving to Portland nearly killed me. It has been one  of the most difficult times of my life.  I’ve been crippled by depression. I’ve been a total hermit spinsterhag for years. But I’ve turned a corner and now I love my life. I want to live it. Love helps but it’s not just my love for Andy it’s love for myself. For the world, as fucked up as it is it’s also beautiful and nourishing. For the first time in a very long time I cannot wait to see what happens.

Dont worry, I’ll keep you posted by posting.

Just don’t call me a Cougar!

my lady parts are dying

Yep. I bought a pregnancy test and an emergency contraception. At the same time. Me & the checkout lady were laughing. I assured her that I knew that this wasn’t how it all works, and that the pregnancy test was mostly a confirmation of peri-menopause bullshit than an actual concern of actual pregnancy. I could be potentially pregnant. I am having sex. With condoms, of course. One dude has had a vasectomy, but it could happen with the other one. Condoms can fail. But I’m not pregnant. I’m just dying. Well, my lady parts are anyway.

It’s weird, to have my lady parts dying. I mean, I’m not, like, using them, per se, but it’s weird.

I don’t want to breed. But I sure love to fuck.

I live in terror that menopause will kill my sex drive altogether. I do not want that. I love sex.

This is one reason I’m so fucking furious that Benedict is celibate and opting out of my dying lady parts. I want to have as much sex as I can while I want it. And that chemistry.

But I’m having sex. As my shopping cart indicates. And I’m having really great sex. I’d just like to be having so much more of it. But some is better than none. And quality is better than quantity. And I’m getting quality, for sure.

I have always had a crazy high sex drive. I rarely find a man who matches me this way. Which is fine, I’m not enduring some massive hardship or anything, but I do want to have a sex life, hopefully for many many more years. Maybe since my libido is high it won’t die along with my lady parts.

A girl can dream.